Bill O'Reilly: Uber-Douchebag

Ugh.

Where to begin? Yesterday's Countdown with Keith Olbermann brought my attention to a column that Bill O'Reilly wrote called The Bourne Buffoonery. Now, normally I stay as far away from BillOReilly.com as possible - but this story warranted my browsing because I'm a H U G E fan of Robert Ludlum and his Bourne series of books.

Please, read the column (as much as it pains me to suggest it). Also, you can watch Bill-O discuss this movie with formerly-funny-fake-news-man Dennis Miller:

"Miller Time" indeed. I need a spirited beverage after watching bile like that. To the meat...

Bill-O didn't even make it into the second paragraph in his column before twisting facts to serve his obvious right-wing thinking. [side note: You know that you are pretty pathetic when you start picking apart a Matt Damon action flick to serve your own political agenda.] Check it:

For those of you not familiar with the Bourne series, Matt Damon plays a CIA agent who becomes involved in the "Program" (as in, "get with the"). This sinister plan results in Damon being brainwashed, making him a lean, mean killing machine with no personal memories. Thus, he can murder without conscience, kind of like what Hollywood producers often do to scripts.

Um... rrrrrright. Let's break it down:
Matt Damon's character, Jason Bourne (or David Webb) is indeed a member of the CIA. He's a (very well-trained) assassin involved in a project called Treadstone (Treadstone 71 in the books). In this program, the assassins are trained to blend into crowds, speak numerous languages, and be a "lean mean killing machine" as O'Reilly so succinctly puts it.

HOWEVER, when Bill-O says that this "sinister plan results in Damon being brainwashed", O'Reilly is WAY off the mark.

In both the books and the movies, the character of Jason Bourne is found by fishermen floating in the water, shot in the back. He is nursed back to health, but has no memory of his previous life (as an assassin) and finds himself running from people who want him dead (the CIA and others). He does not "murder without conscience", rather he is fighting for his memory, and by proxy, his life.

So, pray tell me O'Reilly - how is that being "brainwashed"?

Now, I cannot fault Bill-O for attacking the actors - Matt Damon and Julia Stiles - for their left-leaning politics. O'Reilly is entitled to his opinion of them and their far-out-liberalism (ugh). However, to suggest that the idea that the actors' personal political ideology ("hating America") somehow seeped it's way into this film is idiocy, pure and simple.

The CIA guys are bad, bad, bad. And just to make sure Indonesian and Pakistani audiences get the picture, the CIA chief issues his evil orders with the American flag clearly seen on his desk. No language barrier here, no sir. The U.S. intelligence agencies are fiendish enterprises, which want to hurt Matt Damon and actually force Julia Stiles to cut her own hair. How could they?

You've got to be joking. Please tell me you are joking Bill - PLEASE.

'[T]he CIA chief issues his evil orders with the American flag clearly seen on his desk.' Well, no sh*t Bill. He is, after all, the "chief" of the CIA - an AMERICAN organization. Julia Stiles cutting her own hair? Really? That's the best you've got against this flick? You just don't get it.

Both the series of books and movies are about a man who struggles with an internal conflict about who he was/is and what he did/does with is life. The complex plot does involve some shady characters in the U.S. government who want to put an end to a "program" (Treadstone) that went awry, but I don't see how that is hating America. To suggest that this is "anti-American" seems like a stretch to me.

Most importantly (and obvious), this is a story. Fiction. Entertainment. Nothing more.

After reading Bill O'Reilly's column and watching his interview with sometimes-still-funny-quasi-comedian Dennis Miller, one thought kept repeating itself over and over in my mind: Man, Bill O'Reilly must be a real buzzkill for a date.

Seriously.

Can you imagine being a woman (or a man - there's nothing wrong with that) out on a dinner-and-a-movie date with Bill-O? After a nice shrimp dinner at the Red Lobster, you shell out $10 each to get into the movie. Once inside you drop another five or six bucks on Sno-Caps and a Fanta, settle into your seats, and after what seems to be an endless reel of previews, the movie begins. Then, much to your chagrin, your date begins to decry aloud that 'this movie is anti-American!' - in front of all of the other theater patrons. What a bad time.

So, how did your date go?

Well Chuck, it started out okay. I had some good shrimp at the Red Lobster...

------
Photo: Deborah Feingold/Corbis Outline

filed in: Bill O'Reilly, Entertainment, Keith Olbermann, Right Wingersshare: